recklessthings | ⚖ laurel lance

[Steve nods in agreement. He's been having the same experience as of late. Everyone is speculating about Captain America and dragging up old stuff. He can't handle it right now.] It's been pretty sad lately.

[The channel is switched to Modern Family. Steve doesn't know it, but people are laughing at something the old man just said so it must be fine. He shrugs self-consciously after a beat. Steve realizes for all he knows this is normal.] Or maybe it always is. I wouldn't really know.

[He takes a sip of his drink and tries to ignore the fact that even having a normal conversation is difficult now. He's not sure if he's saying something that doesn't fit anymore.]

[She pauses, before giving a small shrug.]

I think it's always more obvious when it's personal. I just thought that after a while, they would stop talking about it, but I guess I was wrong.

[His brows knit as he puts the reference together. There's no way she cares about his side of the story. She's too young for that.] The ship?

[Steve quickly raises a hand.] You don't have to answer that. I'm sorry you were reminded of that. Losing something, someone, is always hard.

[He sounds at least like he's experienced that before.]

[Part of her just wants to leave it at that, but at the same time, part of her also needs to talk about it, to someone who isn't hurting for the exact same reason. Everyone around her has lost something, it doesn't feel right being angry at them when the person she wants to be angry with is gone.]

Yeah.

[She sighs.]

My sister was on that ship. ... With my boyfriend.

[The implications of that don't go over Steve's head. He thinks it wouldn't be wise to voice them though. It's a Hell of a thing to be wrong about to say nothing of speaking ill of the dead. The look on his face really says it all. Did she really have to grieve and deal with betrayal at the same time? How completely unfair it must be.] I'm sorry. Losing them both in one day must have been rough.

[She swallows hard and nods.]

Yeah, it was. I feel like ... I haven't really had time to process it, you know? I'm surrounded by everyone else who is hurting and it ... doesn't seem fair to try and monopolize it for myself.

[His brows knit together. That sounds lonely. God does he ever know that feeling now.] But, you're hurting too. You've got to get that out or else it'll eat you up inside.

[She nods in agreement.]

I think that's what the friend who brought me to the city is trying to get me to do. Either party hard enough that I forget all about it, or hit the point where I start screaming and breaking things.

[Which he would then probably wind up paying for, but Tommy Merlyn is a good that way.]

[Steve lets out a dry chuckle.] He could have just taken you to the gym. I've been busting bags trying to work some stuff out myself.

[Steve pauses a beat as he remembers that actually is kind of impossible for most people.] They're a little on the cheap side. I fix them later too.

[She laughs a bit at that.]

Well, I don't hit as hard as you do, apparently.

[She pauses for a moment.]

Does it help, though? Hitting something to get it out?

[Steve nods without any hesitation.] A lot. You have to do something with all that energy or else you'll go nuts.

[A beat.] Not that you're crazy, ma'am. Just generalizing.

[She shakes her head before nodding.]

No, I get that. It's like ...

[She pauses as she tries to put it into words.]

You get sick with it, sometimes. If you try to bury it you'll just wind up carrying it with you for too long.

[Steve's widen a little. He doesn't expect that, but it's a pleasant blast from the past unlike everything else these days.] That's probably one of the wisest things I've ever heard. And right.

[He does feels sick in the heart and mind. Moving ahead is the only thing that centers him.]

[She nods with a small smile.]

I've never really been a fighter, at least not physically. I'm trying to be the lawyer, though. Different kind of fighting.

[Steve immediately looks impressed.] It's a lot harder than hitting a bag. Who are you planning on fighting for?

I'm glad you asked.

[Because talking about the law is much more fun.]

There's a local group called CNRI. They basically fight for the little guys. I've always kind of had a thing for the underdog.

[His heart swells because it's so nice to hear those words in a place where everything is familiar yet completely foreign. He smiles genuinely.] That's amazing. I think I would have saved my mom a lot of headaches if I went that route.

Oh yeah? What route did you wind up going?

[Just out of curiosity.]

At first I picked fights with guys who were picking on little guys like me. Didn't go so well. [His mouth twists. He can practically feel men punching him in the face to this day.] Then I joined the Army. That went much better.

[She smiles a bit at that, because she always appreciated someone who stood up for the little guy, but as she does, she leans back to look him over curiously.]

I take it you bulked up a bit as a result?

[a beat.]

You just don't strike me as a "little guy" - at least not on first glance.

Yeah my time in the Army helped out with that. [He smiles. It is the truth even if it's playing off false assumptions.] I wanted to stop bad people from hurting the little guys. Being a soldier gave me the opportunity. It changed my whole life.

For better or worse?

[She doesn't miss the fact that an attractive guy like him is having a regular conversation with an out of town girl in a quiet bar on a Saturday night, rather than doing what most would do and probably be doing way more flirting. Either he's spoken for, or he's doing some deep thinking of his own.]

[A flash of pain crosses his face because he knows she must be onto him. Steve looks away and smiles sadly.] Both. [He takes a sip of his beer despite knowing it won't cloud the hurt.] Everything I gained over there... I ended up losing it. I'm alone now.

[He quietly sighs.] But, you know? I don't regret any of it. It really is better to lose what you love than to have never loved anything at all.

[That seems to strike a chord with her, more than anything else, because as angry as she is at Oliver right now, she isn't sure what good loving him did her. She's probably going to need time and space to figure it all out.

Luckily, with him being dead, she certainly has plenty of that.]

I guess I'm still trying to figure out the positives on this one. I haven't really had a lot of time to think about it.

[His lips turn. Despite himself, Steve sounds a little bitter.] I have nothing, but time.

[Steve quickly frowns because it isn't about him. He quickly scrambles for something better to say.] I won't pretend I know how much work goes into being a lawyer, but I'm guessing it's a lot. That's important. It sounds like you're really gonna change the world, ma'am. Just remember to take the time for you. It'd be a shame if you saved everyone, but yourself.

[Now he smiles.] And that's coming from a fella you just met. Imagine what your friend would think.

⚖ laurel lance | arrow

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