🐇 fen waugh | the magicians

[consortial]

	✔ Cʀᴏssᴏᴠᴇʀs/AU ✔ Aᴄᴛɪᴏɴsᴘᴀᴍ ✔ Pʀᴏsᴇ	✔ Pɪᴄᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛs ✔ Oᴛʜᴇʀᴡᴏʀᴅʟʏ ✔ Sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇʀs	♥ F/M, F/F ⏰ Uᴘ ᴛᴏ S4

Comments

lmk if this works

[dramaquinn]

( qualtagh )

[ It's not a special day so much as a significant one: ten days since Quentin died in the mirror realm. Alice has never cared about Fillory much, but Quentin loved it. Loved it enough to save it, even, when no one else could. So, because she's started doing things like stealing from Brakebills and smoking cigarettes, she figures one more out of character thing isn't going to make much of a dent in her image. Grieving lovers are allowed to be off the rails, and honestly, as far as bad decisions go, going to Fillory by herself is one of her tamest.

Maybe she'll run into unicorns this time.

The grandfather clock lets her out into the woods. The opium in the air does little to lift her spirits, unable to compete against the weight of memory. How Quentin bad looked when they all first came here, how he knew exactly what needed to be done to move along the story, to move through the land and be where they needed to be. Every tree she walks past, every sight is a reminder.

Choking back a sob, Alice stops walking just a few yards from the edge of the woods and sinks slowly to her knees at the base of a tree. Okay, this was a bad idea, but at least she's alone out here. She's not so restrained now when she cries, but it's also a more hollow kind of crying. Like she's got no more tears and wailing left in her. Her sobs are quiet, barely disturbing the peace amid the trees, making snapping twigs sound distant and muted. She assumes there are talking animals around, and she's ready to call them assholes if need be. ]

Fuck Fillory, [ she murmurs, but it sounds muffled and damp, unclear even to her, and she's the one who said it. ]

sorry for the delay, but yes this is perfect

[consortial]

We're doing the best we can, okay!

[... Looks like someone did hear you, Alice. And they might have taken it a little personally? It's not Alice's fault - Fen has been acting High King of Fillory for a short time now and she's really starting to get stressed. It's likely a small miracle she hasn't stabbed one of her advisors.

But she hasn't. She's doing the best she can in Margo's absence, but she knows that she's nowhere near as commanding. And when she rounds the corner and sees that the comment came from Alice, one of the other former Queens of Fillory, she immediately balks and tries to make it better.]

I'm sorry. That wasn't your fault it was just ... it's been a long ...

[She makes a face.]

It's just been long.

slow is a-ok w me 👌🏼

[dramaquinn]

[ Okay, cool, so she's not alone. How very on brand for Fillory to bring her more trouble. Not that Alice dislikes Fen— she doesn't. It's just, of all people to run into when she's like this—

Actually, no. Fen knows what it's like to lose someone you love. It's different, but it's still pain that nothing can really heal. There's a tone of despair to it, because you can never get them back.

Alice doesn't get up, but she does look up at Fen, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve. ]

Being responsible for so much is hard.

[ Understatement of the year. Decade. All of it. ]

I don't— It's not Fillory's fault Quentin died. It's... not really anyone's fault. [ A pause, a little sniffle. ] I think that's why I'm so angry.

[ Tears fill her eyes again, and she breathes in shakily. She doesn't bother fighting the reaction back. Sorry, Fen. ]

[consortial]

It's easier when you have someone to blame.

[Fen knows that experience all too well. Her issues with faeries are well documented, even though it wasn't all of them that put her in the position she was in. But faeries are deceitful and faeries make deals and faeries stole her daughter. How is she ever supposed to forgive them for that?

She makes her way closer, offering Alice a small smile in return.]

When it's a cruel twist of fate, it's hard to know where to point the anger.

[dramaquinn]

[ She glance at Fen again, to show she's not put off by how she comes closer. It's actually nice, talking to someone who gets it. Nice in a distant, mostly numb sort of way, but still nice.

Alice sniffles and sighs sharply, almost like a short huff of unamused laughter. ]

I could blame that Librarian, Everett.

[ He had to be stopped, and Quentin was the only one brave enough to do the sure thing, the guaranteed victory. Or— ]

Or... [ She pauses and dabs at her eyes again. ] I could blame myself. Because I destroyed the Keys and gave the Library what they wanted. I didn't free the Monster, but... I sure as hell didn't help.

[ And maybe that's the worst thing of all. She already hates so much of herself. One more thing makes existing feel even more unbearable. ]

Sorry, I'm just... rambling. I thought it'd help to come here, because he loved it so much.

[consortial]

I get it.

[Both why she came here, and how Fen is prone to rambles. She also doesn't really blame her for looking inward at her own choices, without a clear person to blame.]

I also get why it's not really helping. For me, I needed to get out of Fillory for a while, and it's my favorite place in the world. Aside from Benny Hanna's.