recklessthings | ᶾ allison hargreeves

"It's not his fault."

Allison would like to think that there are places in the world where the investment you put into things would equal the investment you got out of it. In a perfect world, it would. But in a perfect world, they probably wouldn't have been raised by Reginald Hargreeves.

"He wanted to be loved by his father. I think at the end of the day, that's what any kid wants." The only problem is that Luther didn't realize that it was something he would never get until it was too late.

He could argue that Luther isn't a kid any more, but he stays silent. It doesn't feel like his place. They were all around their father longer than he was, and besides that, he's too far removed from the equation. While they spent their early adulthood grappling with their childhood traumas, he was fighting to survive in the apocalypse. Time changed him and how he looked back on those early years. They don't have that benefit of perspective, and it leaves him disconnected.

Dad didn't raise them out of love. He raised them to save the world, and they failed. If they knew everything Five has done to rewrite history, maybe they'd see how pointless their hurt feelings are.

"Keep an eye on them." He tries pulling away, his patience at her work suddenly gone. His side hurts when he stretches and reaches for the fresh shirt beside him, but that only results in a frown. Easily covered when he keeps talking like he's giving her instructions he expects her to follow. "I need to know that I can find you."

Her brow furrows, but she doesn't fight him when he pulls away from her. She knew that she was only going to be able to get him to sit still for so long, but at least he put up with her for as long as he did.

But when he asks that she keep an eye on them, that she be present, that's not something she's sure she can promise. Most of the rest of them are local, save for Klaus who wanders wherever his whimsy takes him. Eventually Allison is going to have to go home.

"I can't stay here forever, Five. Eventually I'm going to have to go home to Claire."

She's going to have to sort out things with Patrick eventually because she can't be out of her daughter's life forever. Especially not if the world is ending.

"I'm not running out on the mission. But how long do you need me to watch them?"

It was a matter of time before the moment was spoiled, but it still manages to feel like a slap in the face when she finally says what's on her mind. Five tenses at the first words that leave her mouth, and by the time she asks him how long she needs to inconvenience herself, he looks like can barely comprehend the sheer audacity of the question.

"As long as it takes, Allison." His voice raises with him, getting up before she can stand and whipping around to face her while she's not yet towering over him. The move twists open the same wound that she patched, but he's too furious to care. "I'm not asking for you for a favor. I'm telling you that I need you here. I need all of you here, or the whole world dies. Why is that so hard to understand?"

Why they all think they have time for this is lost on him. They've only been dealing with the knowledge that the world is ending for days and she already wants to give up. She still has no idea, no concept, of what it took for him to get back.

"Nothing else matters right now."

Edited 2021-04-20 03:16 (UTC)

"You need all of us here, but at the same time all of us are here and we all died."

Allison isn't going to be shamed for wanting to see her daughter. She isn't going to be shamed for having a life and things that matter to her beyond these walls. She left to build a life for herself, and sure. Maybe some of it was built on pillars of sand by the use of her power, but she's not going to give up Claire.

"But do you have any leads? Anything you'd actually care to share about what we're dealing with? Are you going to actually tell us anything that matters?"

Maybe if they knew more, they might be able to fix things sooner.

'...we all died'

From the mouth of his own sister. Whatever cutting argument he had ready is thrown off by those few careless words. Never mind that he's constantly reminding them of the fact, but he didn't count on her getting desensitized to it already. It was supposed to motivate them, to rally and do what he asks them to do, not... give up. What's wrong with this family that they won't even fight to live? To do just a fraction of what he has to survive?

Or maybe it's just that they don't have any faith in him. She probably still thinks he's crazy.

"I'm working on it." His reply lacks the earlier venom, and part of him is genuinely afraid that she's going to walk out of that door and he'll never see her again. It could fall apart that easily.

"I know I'm asking you to take a leap of faith. I've seen the future, but I haven't put all the pieces together yet." That's nothing he hasn't said before. He breathes out his nostrils and tries to stay calm enough to give her something that will satisfy her. "Someone causes it. Whoever it is, there are people who will try to make sure they succeed, because that's what's supposed to happen. They'll try to stop me."

There. That's something new, if only a fraction of the story. Maybe that and the fact that he showed up bleeding will be enough to get his point across.

"So I need you for when I need you."

It's what he's been telling them, hasn't he? If they don't listen and do as he says, they die, but the problem is he hasn't been telling them what to do. He's only been holding them into a cycle of hurry up and wait, and Allison isn't seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

If the world's going to end, and she's going to die, she'd rather do it with her daughter in her arms than here, far away from her. She wants to be able to tell her not to be scared, even when she's terrified. She came home to bury her father, she didn't come home for this.

If he expected her to just take it at face value and leave it, then he's sorely mistaken and should have known better.

"What do you know about him? The one who causes it."

It's true, there was a hopeful side of him that thought maybe they'd just accept what he had to say at face value. Aside from his word, there's not a whole lot he can do to prove to them that he knows better. If he tries, really tries, he can maybe put himself in Allison's shoes. See what she values most. She's the one who had more of a go at it than any of them, so she might have forgotten. As much as he'd like to tell her she can be with her daughter, she's a part of this family too.

Is it because of him? Five vividly remembers seeing her there in the rubble, with all of them, so she obviously stuck around the last time. Now that he's told her what's coming, she wants to take the first plane out. He frowns and shakes his head, then heaves a heavier sigh. Back to business.

"I know he loses an eye in the next few days. And I know he'll be near here when it happens. Or she, I suppose." As for what they can do in the meantime, he doesn't have a good answer, and it's hard not to let that frustration turn to anger. To tell her she should go if that's what she wants, then teleport away before she can say a word in response.

"Just... give me time. I came back because of this. Do you even know what that took?"

Allison nods slowly, weighing her wants and needs against the fact that this is important. She can see it in every sentence Five utters, even if it's frustrating. But she knows that she can't just commit fully to following him down the rabbit hole, as much as he may want her to.

She has missed her family - people who really do love her, even if they don't always like her. She is curious about this guy that Vanya is seeing - a guy who pings every one of her "bad idea" red flags. But she also spent two hours fighting on the phone with Patrick to get him to feel an ounce of empathy for her and not reset all the work she's done to get her daughter back back to square one.

"I have to be back in L.A., in ten days, on my family therapists couch or I might lose my daughter for good. You say that the world will be over by then, so if it is, I wasn't going to make it anyway. But if it's not, then I'm going to be on that couch. Is that fair?"

Whether it's because they actually manage to solve it or the world doesn't end, it doesn't matter. That's the boundary she's imposing.

Five expected more arguing. More trying to convince her that he wasn't crazy, if he found the patience for it, which wasn't likely. So for one of his siblings to sound reasonable catches him so unexpectedly that he needs moment to switch gears. He's been too used to being questioned that it's a bigger relief than it probably should be.

"Ten days." After a while, he finally nods. "Okay."

Sure, he'd like to spend more time with his family in the event they all don't die horribly, but if they manage to avert to apocalypse he's not going to ask for more. And he does... get it. Wanting to have a relationship with her daughter that's better than what they grew up with. Besides, Five will probably need a break from all of them by then. -- Look at him, getting ahead of himself.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." He sounds sincere for once, and he holds her gaze up until he remembers what he came here to do. So he starts to fiddle with the buttons around the top, in case she needed an excuse to look away from him. For whatever reason, the bloodstains seem to bother him more than they did initially, and he's eager to get rid of them.

All of his shirts have to be white.

She doesn't think that he would have gone through all he says he has, wrestling dealing with a much younger body, if there weren't something to what he's saying. Their father knew something, was always preparing them for some kind of grand event.

Maybe this is it. He just didn't live to see it.

But there's only so far she can be pushed, so she's relieved when he agrees. "Okay."

Allison returns his smile in kind, before shrugging. "You were always the most intense of all of us. That much hasn't changed. But it meant that you usually got what you were looking for. Whoever's trying to start the end of the world ... I almost feel bad for them."

Because they're about to have seven very scary people coming down on their front door, with Five leading the charge.

The most intense, huh? He looks up from the bloodied shirt he's unbuttoning and has to agree, smiling a little more at the compliment she suddenly decides to pay him. Likely because she's grateful that he isn't a totally unreasonable asshole at all times. He's focused, sure, but sometimes he thinks they forget how much he cares about them.

Maybe just a hair more than he cares about the end of the world. You kind of need one to have the other, so that simplifies his priorities.

"As long as I've waited, you should." Despite all outwards signs, he's not immune to doubt, and none of this has been easy for him. Given their timeframe, every setback could be potentially devastating. So hearing that from her actually makes it sound a little more possible. It's also kind of nice to be recognized without the implications that he's some psychopath killer. This is what it was all for.

"The full force of the Umbrella Academy, right? I think we're overdue for a comeback."

"And, we can do it our way, not the old man's."

Which honestly they might be better off. She knows Luther's going to try and run this like a mission, and true, that could have some efficacy. But they were always a little better when they improvised. They understood each other's strengths and weaknesses a little better too.

"The world might be better off."

He watches Allison for a measured moment, considering what she said. The pep talk is a welcome change. Actually managing to focus on what's important for more than a minute. It makes him think he should have spoken to her one-on-one sooner. He probably couldn't talk her into rumoring their siblings into cooperating, but it'd help to have someone to focus on keeping everyone out of trouble while he works.

She is wrong about one thing though.

"We'll do it my way." That's an important distinction. Luther doesn't get to play leader this go around, and as the oldest and most experienced, that's part of the deal. "As much as I appreciate the input, need I remind you what happened the first time. Whatever you all came up with, it didn't make a difference. I will."

That statement only loses a little of its weight when he finishes unbuttoning. He glances to the bed where the clean shirt is waiting. Suddenly it feels awkward to undress in front of his sister while stuck in a thirteen-year-old body. Like showing off his scrawny muscles is going to spoil the point he was making.

"Do you want to... turn around or something?"

... Oh.

Allison will do that, turning to face the doorway, while her eyes drift up to the ceiling. She also is amused at the idea that Luther and Diego are just going to step down and let Five lead.

"You'll have to take that up with Luther and Diego and see if they can stop measuring their dicks long enough to make that happen."

But she'll do her best to stay in Five's corner.

He's grateful that she doesn't make a fuss and does what he asks. More than his modesty, with her back turned she doesn't have to see how carefully he shrugs off the shirt to keep from aggravating the wound on his side and bleeding right through the fresh bandage. He considers what she says while he discards the soiled shirt and pulls on the new one. Already feeling better for it.

"Actually, that sounds like a good argument to only tell them what they need to know." He doesn't mean to say that he really wants to do everything himself. In fact, there's nothing he'd like more than having them all come together as a team to stop the apocalypse. He'd just prefer that they have their best chance... and aside from that, maybe leave dealing with the Commission to him.

"I didn't expect everyone to get so set in their ways at age thirteen." Luther and Diego still arguing the same as they did the day he left the first time, like they never figured out it was all a part of dad's mind games. It'd feel nostalgic if the stakes weren't so high. "I guess they just got taller."

"Dad didn't really give us a lot of room to grow."

He wanted robots he could program, not children who were trying to become their own people. In a lot of ways, the fact that they managed to form personalities at even that age is a feat that's likely attributed to the fact that Grace was there to provide something softer.

"Luther kept trying to prove his worth and Diego was determined to prove that he could do it better."

That only gets a huff of a sigh. They won't catch him defending dad, no matter what he thinks about Luther and Diego's perpetual childish rivalry. He can't tell if it makes him feel any better that he hasn't missed that much. At least he knows what to expect out of them.

For the most part.

It occurs to him that Allison is still hanging around after they'd come to their agreement. Still telling him things about their family when she could have slipped out when he'd given her an opening. He thinks about that as he finishes getting dressed and starts fiddling with getting the tie back around his neck.

"You can turn around." He's decent. Or at least, improved upon, since he hasn't taken a look in the mirror to see if he missed anything telling. He'll wash up properly later. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. They're not going to grown into functional adults in a few days time, I just need them not to kill each other until then."

He finally pulls the tie tight and adjusts his jacket, preparing to get back to what he was doing before he took this little detour. But instead he stands there, debating as he turns his focus back on Allison. His curiosity will bother him later if he doesn't ask.

"Why are you still here?" He knows he's not that great of company. "Something else you need to tell me, or are you just sore you didn't get to tell the old man off before he kicked it?"

She shrugs. She could go to talk to Luther, with all their baggage, or fight with Diego or Vanya or get high with Klaus. As much as Five might not be the greatest company, he's the sibling she happens to have the least baggage with at the moment.

And part of her still doesn't believe it's real. He was her brother and he was gone, but now he's back. But is it really that easy? Nothing for them ever is.

"I guess in a weird way, I missed you." Maybe part of her is worried that if she takes her eyes off him, he'll disappear again, stuck in another part of the time stream with no way to find his way home this time.

Somehow he didn't expect that to come out. In a weird way. He gets stuck on the phrasing, at a loss for how to interpret it. On the one hand, he never gave her time to say anything before when he suddenly appeared. Taking advantage of their shock so they would listen to what he had to tell them. On the other, he spent a lifetime trying to find a way back to his family. He had nothing else. Nobody except Dolores to keep him company. The rest of his family is a different story. They grew distant from themselves, let alone the brother who went missing when they were kids.

After an uncomfortable stretch of silence, he decides he can't be hurt by her sincerity. So what if she didn't rush to embrace him? It's not so bad of a thing to be surprised that she cares.

"I missed you too." He says it quietly. Unsure of how to express himself, but compelled to get something on the record. While he doesn't regret the words, it twists at something painful in him, and he can only repeat them in a careful monotone. "I missed all of you."

She nods with a small smile, because it makes sense. Even with all the trouble and grief they've brought each other over the years, they're still family. If Reginald Hargreeves did nothing else for them, he gave them each other.

"Well, you have us back now. You just have to make sure the world doesn't end."

If anything, he's grateful that she doesn't question it. Most siblings might have said it before now, or assumed they didn't have to. He figures Allison can go ahead and let the others know, because he doesn't have the time. Yes, he has them back, but it's all temporary unless he changes history. He's the anomaly in the timeline. It's all on him.

"At least one of you can stay on task." Even when that task is 'don't get into trouble and wait patiently for him to tell them what to do.' It sounds simple, but with his family, it's obviously extremely difficult.

Still. He's glad he had a moment with Allison. He does better at handling them one at a time, he decides. Easier to be understood, even if they can't really. His gaze travels to the window. He's already exhausted, but he can rest when all this is over with. Permanently or otherwise.

"You should get some sleep." It's more of a goodbye than he usually offers. Maybe he's just buying himself a few extra seconds. "One of us should."

Allison nods, before moving to step out of the room. She knows an I want to be alone when she hears one. But one last time, before she goes for now:

"You should too. At least ... try."

It'll help him heal, if nothing else. But with that, she'll head back to her room and do her best to get a few hours.

ᶾ allison hargreeves | the umbrella academy

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