There's a part of her that grasps that, that understands that the pain and the longing is a natural part of grieving, and that the pain she feels is okay - she lost her mother and her alpha in one fell swoop, who wouldn't be hurt by that - but at the same time, she's always been taught to control her emotions. She needs to master them to control that part of herself that could be let loose at any time.

The part that could tear and destroy and make her a killer, not just a predator, and she doesn't want to be a killer.

"I want to think that? But I can't." She shakes her head a bit, looking down again. "Sometimes it's so much that I feel like if I let it in, I'm going to lose it and I can't lose it. Not again."