ϟ barry allen | the flash

[supertardiness]

	✔ Cʀᴏssᴏᴠᴇʀs/AU ✔ Aᴄᴛɪᴏɴsᴘᴀᴍ ✔ Pʀᴏsᴇ	✔ Pɪᴄᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛs ✔ Oᴛʜᴇʀᴡᴏʀᴅʟʏ ✔ Sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇʀs	♥ F/M ⏰ Uᴘ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴀᴛᴇ

Comments

[supertardiness]

The people's genetic sequencing we have are people who were effected by a particle accelerator accident three years ago. That's it. It's by no means a comprehensive database. I don't know what you're looking for but I don't think you're going to find it here.

[there's a beat as he tries to gauge her reactions.]

And yeah, we have something to hide in that respect, because some of those people are dangerous, and you're not being all that clear on why you want them.

[thegreatexperiment]

You think those people are dangerous?

[What a sweet, innocent little world this is she's found herself in.]

No. No. I'm checking to see if you have something way more dangerous.

[supertardiness]

Yeah, they are, actually.

[And Barry almost sounds offended that she doesn't think so, considering all the people they've hurt.]

And you could have just asked.

[thegreatexperiment]

How would that work, exactly?

"Hi, people I don't know from a universe that I'm not from. I'd like to use your super cool computer to check for some really bad touchy nucleotides that may not even exist here? Kay, thanks, bye?"

[And yes. She would totally say the "Kay, thanks, bye" part of it.

Sam is the most mature ever.]

Look. I broke in. You busted me. What happens next? Thumbscrews at dawn?

[supertardiness]

First of all, you're not the first person to claim to be from another universe, and actually be right. You'd be surprised. Second of all, yeah. That's kind of what we're here for.

[They're basically the embassy for Earth 2, and 3 an .... 550.]

[thegreatexperiment]

[Well, that's unexpected.

Sam blinks once. Twice. Yeah, still not sure she heard that correctly.]

Wait. What?

[supertardiness]

[He sighs.]

You're not the first visitor we've had from another universe.

[thegreatexperiment]

I'm not the...the first?

I'm not the first to make the Einstein-Rosen...

[And now Sam looks bitterly disappointed.]

...well that's an ego blow.

[supertardiness]

[Barry crosses his arms in front of his chest and gives a smug shrug.]

I've actually been to two different universes myself. Sorry to burst your bubble.

[thegreatexperiment]

[She bristles.]

Oh yeah. Well. I...

[Yeah, she's got nothing.]

That is so fucking cool. How'd you do it?

[supertardiness]

[He takes a deep breath, before darting out of the room in a burst of red and gold. And then he's back again with two ice cream cones because that's apparently his thing.]

Ice cream?

[thegreatexperiment]

[Welp. She sure did underestimate this guy.

Holy fucking amazing.]

I'm sorry. Did you just...

How did you do that?

[supertardiness]

I got struck by lightning the night the particle accelerator here exploded. I was in a coma for nine months, and when I woke up I could run, really really fast.

[He licks his ice cream, still holding out the second cone to her.]

You gonna take this or what?

[thegreatexperiment]

[She takes the cone, but her interest is minimal at best. Who cares about ice cream when there's science?]

Struck by lightning.

With a particle...

Okay, then that would wreck havoc on the electrical impulses in your brain and possible send your metabolism into complete overdrive, which would necessitate what? 4,131 calories a day?

And I'm sorry, how are you not deep-fried?

[supertardiness]

I heal really fast. And it's actually more like ten thousand calories a day.

[Give or take.]

I've got a friend who makes me special high calorie protein bars so I don't get hypoglycemic.

[thegreatexperiment]

Hypoglycemia would be only one problem.

How do you...sleep?

[supertardiness]

[See, sleeping? That's not something he's ever had trouble with.]

Normally?

[thegreatexperiment]

Okay, first of all, the appropriate smartass response to that is "on my left side." I have so much to teach you.

[Because, seriously, the queen of snark isn't going to stand by and let a joke like that just go.]

And second, I meant with a metabolism like that. It's crazy.

Unless there's an occult element I'm missing?

[supertardiness]

No occult. At least not that I'm aware of. And I've never had an issue with my metabolism effecting my sleep.

[thegreatexperiment]

At the risk of sounding creepy, I would love an hour alone with your DNA and a microscope.

[Yeah, that sounded creepy. Whatever.

She looks at the ice cream, melting down the sides of her hand now.]

Do you use this metabolism to get girls? Because you must get laid all the time.

[supertardiness]

[Barry just looks absolutely dumbfounded by everything that has come out of Sam's mouth.

Why this. What is happening?]

Uh. No?

[thegreatexperiment]

That's a shame. You're sort of cute.

[Sam learned interrogation from a vampire in the FBI.

That's why this.]

Okay. But seriously. Does this genetic transformation mean you can vibrate like one of those chairs at Brookstone? If so, I'm calling bullshit on you not getting laid.

[supertardiness]

[He rolls his eyes a bit.]

Okay, a - it's not something I spread around and b - I happen to be a one woman kind of guy. And we're ... trying to figure things out at the moment, so I'm not exactly looking.

[thegreatexperiment]

I guess I could see how there might be certain risks involved.

[She's shameless. He'll learn to live with it. Or not. She doesn't especially care.]

Okay, but what about food?

[supertardiness]

Cisco makes me these high-calorie protein bars so that I can keep running without getting hypoglycemic.